Don't feel like that!

Let me start out by saying, parenting is tough and I do not have all of the answers. No one does. But this is something that I know and I know for sure. If you invalidate your child it will create big problems for them as adolescents and even more problems as adults. When I say invalidate, I mean making your child doubt their gut feelings. Gut feelings are protective factors for children. Gut feelings let them know, before they have all of the words adults do, that something is wrong. Parents, caregivers, teachers, coaches, all of you...don't strip the children you care for of their instinct. This can make them vulnerable for all types of abuse. For example, if a child says "I'm scared" stop yourself from saying "no you're not!". If your child says, "I'm cold", bite your tongue before saying "It's not cold!". I could go on and on with examples but you get my point. These are very mild forms of invalidation but a pattern of responses like these could create serious problems such as low self esteem, self doubt, depression, anxiety, mood swings, suggestibility, and a victim mentality. Validate your children by using gray areas and by acknowledging their feelings. "Mommy I'm scared to go to school." "Yes, new things can be scary and I know that you are brave!" Try it (validation) and let me know what happens.